On Sunday, Sept. 17, Esperanza hosted our first Hope Talk on children’s mental health. A panel consisting of Lynn Hockenberg, our own preschool director; Aphrodite Easton, mental health consultant from Southwest Human Development; and Dr. Lauren Taveras of Coral Valley Counseling shared tips and tools for parents, grandparents and other adults in children’s support networks. Approximately 30 people attended, with about half of the attendees from the Esperanza community and the other half from the larger community.
The consensus of attendees was that the information shared was incredibly helpful. Among the valuable insights gained were these:
- When we see children “act out” or display “bad behavior” on a consistent basis in multiple settings, usually that is a sign that a child or teenager is struggling with anxiety, is on the autism spectrum or simply needs a bit more developmental support, such as speech therapy. Instead of seeing the behavior as reason for punishment, the panelists encouraged us to be curious and reach out for support from the child’s pediatrician or school, or a psychologist such as Dr. Taveras. The panelists did say that children of all ages will sometimes act out or display bad behavior just because they are people, and that’s what we do sometimes when we lack fully developed coping skills. The key is noticing if the child or teen is engaging in this behavior consistently and across multiple settings.
- Three simple ways we can nurture good mental health in our children is to notice what they are doing, to give them choices, and to frame requests in a positive manner. To notice what they’re doing: We often compliment children on what they do (“nice drawing” or “good game”), which is wonderful. We can also simply notice the positive things they do (“I noticed you shared your toy with your friend” or “I noticed you held the door for the person using a walker when we left the grocery store”). This shows children that we are really paying attention to them — and thus valuing them — because we are describing what they are doing and not simply complimenting them. To give them choices: Making choices for ourselves is empowering, and at the same time, adults are developmentally better able to understand the long-term consequences of the choices we make. Adults can give children of every age two or three choices to pick from. Because the adult is choosing the options, the adult is assured that they are all safe and healthy options. For example: “Would you like pasta or a sandwich for lunch?” “Would you like to go to Campformation this summer or go to soccer camp?” To frame requests in a positive manner: Instead of telling children what not to do, we can tell them what to do. For instance, instead of saying, “Don’t leave your shoes in the kitchen,” we can say, “Please put your shoes on the rack near the back door.” This gives them more information so they can understand what we expect of them, and the positive tone is preferable.
- As adults, how we deal with stress and anxiety sets the tone for how our children deal with it. First of all, children learn how to manage stress by watching the adults in their lives do so. They will mimic what we do. Second, when we are able to use coping skills to manage our own stress, the way we interact with our children will be healthier. We will feel better about our choices and embody our values, such as honesty, kindness, and forgiveness, in our interactions with them. We can practice coping skills such as mindful breathing, exercising regularly, meditating or praying, journaling, or just spending time talking with trusted people in our lives. This will naturally contribute to healthier relationships with children, teens, and other adults.
Dr. Taveras has a psychoeducational support group coming up for parents of anxious children. (If you are interested in signing up, please see the link below for the flier.)
Resources shared by the panelists are still available on the counter in the narthex, and Pastor Sarah can provide contact information for the panelists if anyone has follow-up questions.
The planning team for our first Hope Talk was Paige Somero, Beth Leaf, Madison Somero, and Pastor Sarah. We appreciate all those who attended — and we appreciate your feedback! If you didn’t get a chance to fill out the evaluation, please contact Paige. We will be using the feedback to make the next Hope Talk even better. When a date and topic is set for the next Hope Talk, we will let you know!
