People of Hope:
This past Sunday, we continued our Faith in Motion series, where we are figuring out how to incarnate our mission statement: Esperanza Lutheran Church creates authentic connections and a deep sense of belonging as a Christ-centered community.
As is so often the case in nearly any group of people, gossip is one of our struggles as a community. During worship, we defined gossip as sharing news about another person, usually news with a negative tone, without verifying it and without asking permission from the person to share it with others. Gossip halts authentic connection and a sense of belonging by leading us to wonder: Can I really trust people?
During worship, we played a game of Telephone, where a message was whispered into the ear of the first person and then passed on to all the other people down the line. By the end, the message had gone haywire on one side of the sanctuary, not at all reflecting any sense of the original message. On the other side of the sanctuary, the message retained similar vocabulary but with an exact opposite meaning. This simple game demonstrated one of the many problems with gossip: how the truth mutates as it is shared by people who are not, actually, “in the know.”
How do we combat gossip? Several ideas were shared.
• Don’t pass on gossip when you hear it.
• Walk away from those who are gossiping.
• Tell people who are gossiping: “Pastor Sarah has challenged us not to gossip!” I completely endorse you throwing me under the bus on this!
• Reach out to the person others are gossiping about — to see how they’re doing. If they are struggling, they likely need a listening ear, not people gossiping about them.
• Keep others’ confidences private. We do not have the right to share other people’s news.
During my sophomore year of college, my roommate and I realized one day how pervasive gossip was on our small Lutheran college campus. We were displeased with ourselves. We knew we could do better. She and I decided we would keep a gossip tally in our room as a way of holding ourselves accountable to our values … and also as a way of injecting a little competition into our ethical quest. Every time we gossiped, we made a mark under our name. Twenty five years later, I can’t remember who won. 😊
I wish I could say that cured me of gossiping forever. It didn’t. Once in a while, I still get sucked in. I get sucked in because it’s nice to be “in the know.” During college, when people were gossiping, my strategy was simply to walk away. I had to walk away a lot. And I ended up not ever knowing what was going on with people. At first, it stunk. Other people would be talking, and I would look like a deer in the headlights. I had no clue what others were discussing. Over time, though, I felt lighter, like I had shed a burdensome weight. No longer did I hear nasty comments about others. Negativity was simply no longer a part of my life.
Not gossiping also taught me to speak directly with people — mostly because that was the only way I was going to receive information about others. And in consistently speaking directly with others, I built genuine relationships with many people, authentic connections, like the ones we are seeking here at Esperanza.
Esperanza Lutheran Church creates authentic connections and a deep sense of belonging as a Christ-centered community. By the grace of God and a little intentionality, we can and will.
With anticipation,
Pastor Sarah